After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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