i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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