You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
