Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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