We won't sleep together?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
