When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
