good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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