bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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