I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
