When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
