Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
