"it" just moved
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
