Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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