worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
