I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
