Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
