Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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