Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize