dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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