I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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