he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
