I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize