I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
