you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
