Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
