Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
