Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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