why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
