Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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