so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
