Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
