you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
