she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize