I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
