no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
