Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
