I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
