Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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