My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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