Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
