I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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