Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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