Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's get the cat blown out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
