my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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