I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
