Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
