is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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