I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
