I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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