His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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