I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You've changed since you got that strap on
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
