She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
