Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
