Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
