Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
