he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
