Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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