We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
