He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
