I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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