i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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