Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
