Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
