I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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