You can't motorboat a personality
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
