I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize