im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
