he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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