So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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