I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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