I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
