Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
