i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
