The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
