Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize