glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
