those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
