Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
