He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
