Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize