I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
