The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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