This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
