i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
