You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
MIDGETS
????
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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