you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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