If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
