omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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