I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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