Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
