Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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