If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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