just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
