the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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