she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
